There are some posts so fraught that I would always find a way to procrastinate. This one in particular took a lot of inertia to even begin let alone complete; I suspect it will never be complete.

After all, there won’t be an end to how the past 7 years in Tokyo have transformed my life. Even after I head towards my final week here.

Back in September 2019, I arrived here starry-eyed about the start of The Great Escape. An escape from the expectations that had surreptitiously stacked year after year of sticking to the script of a high-performing student, filial son and good friend in Singapore.

Here, in a place where no one knew me and vice versa, I could start a new life unshackled by notions of what and how I should be. Yes, I was presumably here on an employment contract with a Japanese consulting firm. But it was really more a convenient cover than a purpose. A means to the end of exploration.

And explore I did. The mountains, the forests, the rivers and the sea. In the earlier years, I compelled myself to travel to different parts of the country and explored the different terrains in different seasons. I cannot lay claim to exploring all 47 prefectures (not even close), but I got to see everything that I wanted and then some.

More than the places I’ve been, are the people that I got to go places with. I’ve been lucky to have had crossed paths with so many characters and kindred spirits along the way. So many of my ex-colleagues are now friends I would happily catch up and travel with.

Being in Tokyo makes it easier to reconnect with pals from the past whom I crossed paths with when I was gallivanting in the US and Hong Kong while on exchange. Proud as I am of Singapore, I can’t deny that Tokyo is the more popular destination between the two.

Especially for those from Singapore! I’ve lost count of the number of friends I’ve had the pleasure of hosting and showing around the city I’ve called my home for 7 years. The snapshots from below are just from the last year or so.

At the start of my time in Japan, I went on frequent hikes around the nearby mountains. There were so many reasons for it; it’s relatively affordable, good for health and a great way to explore and enjoy the country. And as it turns out, a wonderful way to meet new people as well. Some of my most enduring friendships were forged on trails traversing through tree-lined terrain.

And then there’s family of course. Even as I spend most of these 7 years physically away from them, they’re always near and dear to me. Through all the seasons of life.

Then there’s work. Looking back, I’m kinda amazed at how I’ve managed to put up with as much as I did and to have had the experiences I’ve had. I can’t always say I’ve learnt the lessons that I wanted to. But I can at least say that I’ve tried to do what’s right by myself and my employers. お疲れ様です。

I haven’t only been shuttling between Singapore and Japan during these 7 years. Notwithstanding the JPY depreciating by 36.5% against the SGD over this time, I’ve made a couple of trips to areas I’ve never been. Arguably, these trips happened during the second half of my time here, when concerns of pandemics have faded and my own earning power has grown. Sunny times.

Just as much as I’ve gained is as much as I’ve lost. For one, there’s definitely been a fair bit of downsizing in my ambitions. The student who expended so much time and energy on his studies and extra-curricular activities to be recognized feels like a different person altogether. Individual contributor sounds less like a curse and more like a preferred lifestyle these days.

I sometimes wonder what the counterfactuals of staying in Singapore would have been. Would I have been richer and more socially esteemed and at the same time more stressed and besotted with material markers of success? Or would I have just abandoned the corporate ladder at a much earlier stage and devote myself to being a full-time cram school teacher specializing in middle school Chemistry?

Though regardless of how my career would have turned out, one thing I was sure would have been lost anyway was my hairline. That voluminous mane I sported back in my schooling years ago is a thing of the past. Now I make my peace with a buzz cut.

My hair (or lack thereof) is not the only thing that I’ve come to terms with. It’s this life I’ve built with the people I’ve loved. All the snapshots I’ve shared above are but a thin sliver of the kindness and the camaraderie and the growth that I’ve experienced. And in these last couple of weeks, I’ve been going around not saying goodbye, but telling everyone that it’s a see you again.

I escaped to Japan seven years ago with my first few moves focused on starting a new life with as little upfront cost and commitment as much as possible. I wanted to be able to pack my bags and leave at a moment’s notice.

But now I leave on my own terms, fully committed to keeping my ties to this place alive and active for as long as I live. All the moves in the last couple of weeks are for that end in mind.

That’s the endgame.