Life has been taken over by work for the past couple of weeks. Even in consulting, I would burn a weekend at most for a final project presentation. But in this job, every single weekend since the middle of February has been burnt not just to meeting partner demands but also to mange internal politics and operational shortcomings.
Even after taking a red-eye flight back to Tokyo on a Sunday, I would find myself replying to urgent messages in the afternoon after a quick shower, my luggage bag still remaining stuffed with surplus Chinese New Year goodies. And on the next day, presumably a public holiday here, I would find myself working full-time hours save for a few hours spent squirreled away for a dinner at a fancy Taiwanese restaurant in Harajuku to celebrate Chinese New Year with colleagues.
For the past couple of weeks, it was all I could do to stay afloat. Cooking dinner was a luxury I didn’t have and takeout sushi became a go-to option because I didn’t even have to heat dinner up in the microwave oven. I would sleep at 1AM and wake up by 6AM and my first impulse would be to check Slack for any follow-up that transpired in the 5 hours that I wasn’t conscious for. Rinse and repeat.
This draconian schedule took a toll on me of course. Last weekend, my hands were trembling a little even when I was presumably at rest.
I knew the work wasn’t going to be easy and that I’d have to get my hands dirty but the all-consuming nature of my recent and growing commitments were never part of the deal. But there isn’t anyone who can share in my duties (at least until tomorrow).
Even in the midst of the deluge of work, I’d still try to find pockets of time to just be. Back in December, I had made plans with a bunch of Chinese friends to have a takoyaki party and board games at my place for last Saturday and I didn’t want to renege on that.
So they came over and I got to tick off making my favorite Japanese food and playing my favorite board game in Japanese in my favorite space in Japan.
Or during the next day when I showered myself with some self-care and love with gym and onsen in the morning followed by karaoke and dinner at a knockout Korean restaurant in Shin-Okubo with another bunch of close Chinese friends.
Or even during the work week when I would go for beers with colleagues after 4PM at the WeWork terrace. One of them being a Korean lady the same age as my youngest sister (happy birthday Xin!) and whom I really clicked with.
The inspiration for writing this post and impulse to capture this fleeting moment though came from a lunch and coffee catch-up with an ex-colleague in Ikebukuro. We had met last June in the same place when he helped me to save a couple of hundred dollars from bargaining down the appliances I wanted to buy for my new place.
During coffee at a classic of a kissaten a stone’s throw away from the station, my friend confided in me his concerns of wasting away during his notice period. I looked him in the eye as someone in the thralls of work and in all seriousness told him that he could just be. That the end goal is never to be more “productive”.
It’s just to be ourselves and to enjoy this short and brutish life. And to just exist and be in this moment. Savoring coffee made with care, catching up on the careens in our careers. Letting the world go by and ourselves just be without any other purpose except for our existence.
Jin Pang 